I have found over the past few months that i never know what each day will bring. Since my husband came home last summer, we have noticed that each day is something new. Some days are wonderful, easy, natural. Some days are more difficult, headachy, strained. Some days are just down right bad, trial after trial, can't wait for the end. See....my husband has PTSD. He also has mild traumatic brain injury. One of these can be difficult enough. Combine the 2 and sometimes it's like waiting for a bomb to go off in your own home.....the place you are supposed to feel safe, secure, relaxed. Add in the fact that i also have a mild tbi situation due to so many knocks to the head in the past few years. Each one of his deployments i have somehow managed to hit my head (in the same spot, no less) and end up with a concussion. The first of them in January 2008 was so bad, i saw a neurologist for more than a year....honestly, should still be seeing one. So when hubby's having one of his bad days, and i'm having one of my bad days, well, you can imagine. I feel for our kids. They are 13 and 10 now and they have a lot to deal with on an average day. Some days i just wish they could be normal kids and i do all i can to allow them that time. I'm also going to school full time. I'm trying to finish my nursing degree. Seriously tons of work, but so fulfilling...just what i needed in my life. I am totally happy being wife and mom and all but i have a need for knowledge and going to school is filling that void. But it also has a tendency to make me cranky. And my house has a tendency to get a bit messy bc i need to study so often. (should be cleaning now, but i had a need to get all this out) This leaves a lot on the girls. I know kids should have chores. They need to learn responsibility. And they are doing so good. Of course they have their moments.....we all do, right. But over all they are such good kids and i am so thankful for them. There is one poem that i tend to turn to on those days that i just can't take any more. My mom introduced me to Helen Steiner Rice many many years ago. Way back before you could find her writings on greeting cards. Back when you had to go to a bookstore to find one of her books of poetry. She has some wonderful writings for every occasion. One of my favorites has always been this poem. I have it printed out and hung in a spot where i can read it anytime i just need some words to help me through.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS
If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be
If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me
If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too
Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains,
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all of the chains
That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear,
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.
I just find this poem to be a great reminder that no matter what is going on in our lives, we have God on our side. He is our refuge, our strength, our ever present help in times of trouble. We have nothing to fear with Him on our side. Some days i need more reminding of this than others. But it's always true.
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