Can he come home now?

I'm feeling very sad tonight. It's been 15 days now since he left. I'm just feeling very alone at the moment. A houseful of people here but i feel so alone. It's strange. I dont know why it hit me so hard just a couple hours ago. Maybe it was because we had chicken n cheese taquitos for dinner and he loves those. Maybe it is because i have been getting calls every couple hours from an unknown number but when i answer the call disconnects. So i don't know if it's him trying to contact me or just a wrong number. Maybe it's because when i talked to him yesterday he was not going to be able to call for a while from what he had been told. Maybe it's just because he's my husband and best friend and i just miss him more than words can say! I went to the store today and found myself just reading cards! I was looking for something to send him but i ended up not buying anything because i can't mail it for another week! But i did find some good prospects for when i can send one. I'm not ready to have one laying here all addressed and waiting if i can't send it yet. So i'll buy it later. I'm working on getting some ideas and things together for his first package. I haven't even started buying stuff yet. I just can't have it all sitting here yet. so far i know he wants more sunscreen and chapstick, some desitin, and some wasabi and soy almonds. I got him so addicted to those almonds this summer! They are the best! But i can only find them at the commissary! And only in small cans so i guess i'll have to buy a bunch of them! We can each eat a whole small can in one sitting! Man they are good! I know i'm going on and on about some almonds but seriously try them! Since he loves sushi so much, this is the best i can do....can't very well send him sushi! but i can send him the wasabi and soy! He has also asked for books and movies. Any suggestions? He's not much of a reader but i know some guys over there with him that are. So i just need some good ideas of "guy" books to send! Anyway....i'm just feeling pretty down tonight so i thought i'd do some writing here. There is really no way to put it other than deployment just sucks! That's it plain and simple! I hate not having him here to look at and to talk to and to smell and to watch tv with and to laugh with and to go shopping with and to lay on! I've been doing really good lately about focusing on the good instead of the bad but right now i just wanna be sad! Is that allowed? Am i being a bad wife because i wanna be sad? I feel like i am. I feel like i am letting him down because i want to be sad right now. I know he misses us and he would rather be here and he loves us as much as we love him. But is he ever able to just be sad about it? I try to be strong all the time and it's so exhausting. I just want to send the kids to bed and be sad! They need to be in bed anyway! Look at the time! WOW! I guess i better go drag them out of the bath that it took me an hour to get them in and send them to bed now! I'll write some more after i go to church tomorrow! Night all! I'm ok, really i am....just needed to let out some sadness! don't worry about me though...i'm really going to be fine! I know you Steph...don't get all teary eyed reading this! I know you wish you could be here with me. You are here in spirit and on my phone. I'll talk to you later! If it was really really terrible you know i'd call you! Love ya!