Does it ever end?

How many many times have those of us who have deployed husbands uttered those words? As of yesterday i am officially 5 months into this deployment and i know i have said those words more times than i can count. I can also say that most days it certainly feels as though it won't ever end. The days get longer and longer and the nights even longer than the days. I find myself unable to sleep, even with anti-insomnia medication. It works a while then won't work at all. Everything is such a roller coaster. I just don't know how much i can take. God does though....that's why he put me with my military man. He knew what would come in our lives and the storms we would face before we ever knew each other's names. I've heard stories of deployments ending. Fabtastic homecoming ceremonies, no more lonely sleepless nights, wonderful conversation over family meals, family vacations, etc. I hear the end of a deployment is a wonderful thing. I'm sure it would be. Seems like such a dream. I'll let ya know when i get there how absolutely fantastical it really is! Right now i'm just looking forward to the R&R we are promised! To be able to just simply hug my honey. How often people take a hug for granted! I want to breathe in his scent, feel his muscular arms, be wrapped in the warmth and security of his embrace. The thought of it gets me through the day. Just simply the thought of the look in his eyes and the feel of his arms around me. During these times it is so easy to let things go....the house, the laundry, the yard work, dinners for the kids...after all our husband isn't here to say "why didn't you do anything today?" It's so easy to just not get dressed. I know i have days where i lounge in my pj's all day. But we can't do it every day. The occassional bowl of cereal or a sandwich for dinner is fine. Sometimes we need a break. Just not every day. The best thing for us to do for our families, especially if we have kids, is to live life normally as we do when our hubby is home. I tell my own kids so often that i know they wouldn't behave the way they are if daddy was home. But what kind of example am i setting? We do occassionally have a sandwich or something easy for dinner when he's home. And we do have days where we don't get dressed all day and we just lounge around. Sometimes those are the best days. I will do these things a little more often when he's not here though. but not excessively. I do lose my temper faster when he's not here. I realize that. I depend on him to be my right arm and taking him away throws me off. but i also have been making an effort to not go overboard and really watch myself lately. How can i expect more of my kids than i am willing to give of myself? I have noticed that since i started trying to be better, so have they. Kaitlyn is talking to her counselor at school and that is helping her soooo much! Keliah had a break from homework this week. So she's been much happier. Hopefully next week will be good again. But that will be determined then. Although i do still wonder if this ever comes to an end....i am trying my best to get through it with strength and dignity and to make my husband proud of me and our kids when he returns. I suppose that is the best any of us can do!