The Emotions of Having Him Home

Who knew? All this time, we all can't wait for our husbands to just be home! Get him here! That's our main focus all through deployment, right? Well he's here now. As i have mentioned before. Deployment is over and he's home. But little did we know that having him here would bring on a whole slew of emotions that were completely unexpected! I knew, as we all know, that readjustment can be a problem. Some guys have ptsd, some guys have nightmares, some guys can't handle life at home. We aren't have those kinds of issues though! Readjustment has been fairly smooth over all. What I didn't expect were the feelings that I would have about it all. The feelings of guilt because my husband is home and he's fine. I know so many women who have gotten their husbands back only to find them injured or traumatized or something that they weren't expecting. But mine is fine! He changed very little. I know so many wives who's husbands are still there. They still are missing their men and have been missing them for so so long and i feel guilty being celebratory because they are still sad. I don't want to make them feel like i am rubbing their faces in my happiness you know. Because i know what it's like to be missing my hubby and seeing other men coming home. I know how it feels. There is also the feelings of instant irritability. I can go from 0 t0 B***H in .3 seconds. literally .3 seconds! My husband is wonderful! He really is....i love him like no one else on earth! He is my soulmate and the greatest person in my life! But for some reason, just recently he can say just one thing and i can just turn into a monster! I never say anything to him or react on it.....i walk away and go and do my own thing. I don't want to fight with him. This is not his problem, it's totally mine. I'm feeling very jealous of him. Everything it seems for the past 3 weeks has been totally about him! I know when he got home he needed some things. He didn't have a coat, i bought him one, he didn't like it. We took it back and went all over town finding him exactly what he then decided he wanted. He needed winter clothes. He needed new boots. Fine.....it's cold here. He did need those things. I'm ok with that. But he didn't stop after that! EVERYTHING is about him. Every conversation, every meal, every outing, every little detail. The kids still have school and everything is great with them. Their lives are still normal for the most part. Daddy is home and that just makes it even better for them. He has work a few days a week. Right now he is on long weekends. They are supposed to stay on those until block leave. Block leave is over Christmas and New Years. He's not doing a lot at work, but he gets to go every day. He's been driving our only car, which leaves me car less. So i'm stuck in the house. So basically, everyone's lives are normal and good except for mine and mine has changed completely! Over this past weekend he found himself a Jeep Wrangler so we went and bought it for him. It needs a little work though so it isn't drivable. But he eventually will have his own vehicle. Which means i'll have mine back. My problem with this is that every thing since he found this Jeep has been about the Jeep! I'm not joking when i say everything. He gets online to look for accessories for it. Every conversation he mentions it. We went yesterday to buy me a chain for the pendant he brought me home from Iraq (finally) and after we got it the first thing he says is "You now have the equivalent of my Jeep hanging around your neck". Why couldn't i just enjoy that moment without hearing that word? I know he's happy he got his own car but seriously......i feel like the Jeep is more important to him than I am! I say something to him about it in a non-confrontational way just trying to let him know that i feel neglected and i want his attention. But he just doesnt get it. He thinks if i want his attention it means that i either want him to take me somewhere, spend money on me, or i want sex. Maybe just maybe all i want his a conversation with him or to watch a movie that we BOTH like or to play a game on xbox with him or something. We don't have to go out, we don't have to spend money (he's done enough of that), and it's not always about sex! We have LOTS of that! I did tell him i'd like some new positions added to that though. I just can't believe what it takes to get him to see that i need HIM. We did finally play some xbox the other day. It was nice. We spent literally HOURS playing CSI on xbox. It has been my favorite night since he has been home. I cooked his favorite meal for him after that. Even though i despise meatloaf. He loves it. I hope he realizes that when he does little things like just spend simple time with me, i do even more for him! He shouldn't do things for me just for that reason but it helps! So anyway....thanks for listening! I needed to get all that out. I feel like this has all been an emotional roller coaster. But i also feel like if you admit that things are less than heavenly then you are failing at something. Even though we all seem to have some little bump in the road with readjustments. Having him home is wonderful but some days we do definitely need our space! I don't know how my friends have done it when their husbands have had injuries and things when everything has HAD to be about them. I know it's been a difficult adjustment at times for me and my selfish nature. I commend those of you who have given up so much of your time unselfishly for your husbands. You are wonderful people! and i am praying for you!