What is going on around here!!!!!

What is going on in my house! This is driving me crazy! I have a 7 year old who thinks she is still a baby. She expects everyone to give her what she wants when she wants it and whines when we don't. If that doesn't work she throws tantrums. Well....she did for a while but she's over that one now. But now i have a 9 year old who thinks it is acceptable to scream at me when things don't go her way. Well of course that sets off my temper and i end up screaming back at her. Naturally that doesn't help anything at all. We end up just screaming and no one ever really hears what the other one says. Drives my blood pressure sky high...she ends up telling me she hates me.....it's awful. I feel like the worse parent in the world at that moment. She feels like the most unloved child at that moment and nothing has been solved at all. We are just continuing to drive a wedge farther between us, until one day we aren't speaking to each other at all. We will one day just be bodies in a house. I know she misses her daddy. I miss my husband. We do tend to take things out on each other. But this is ridiculous. I don't know what else to do. I try to talk to her and we end up fighting. We just got in a HUGE fight! And it was all over the fact that the girls were watching a movie and Keliah passed some gas. Kaitlyn said she stinks and needs to leave the room. But i told Kaitlyn it'll go away soon and she should be the one to leave the room because if Keliah leaves the smell will still be there. So Kailtyn started screaming at me because i was taking Keliah's side! I kept trying to explain to her that i was not taking Keliah's side and tried to get her to see that she was screaming at me but then it just turned in to a huge fight! I don't even know how it gets so bad so fast! It ended with her breaking my bathroom door! I fixed it but i thought i was going to have to replace the door for a bit. It was really awful! To top it all off....my mother in law called me yesterday. I was talking to her about all that is going on and told her i was thinking about calling mental health on base about finding someone that Kaitlyn can talk to about all her emotions since she wont' talk to me. I don't want her on meds, i just want her to have someone to talk to. Well mother in law informed me that taking her there will just cause more problems because they do nothing more than want to put kids on meds and keep them sedated. Well...i'm her mother! I'm the one that would have to give her the meds everyday and i REFUSE to do that. So how can taking her in to talk to someone be so bad if i know i am NOT going to go with meds. I've been on them.....i didn't like the way they made me feel and i am NOT going to do that to my daughter. THEN mother in law tells me that father in laws dad died last week. They purposely didn't tell me so i wouldn't tell Jay. His grandfather died and no one wanted to tell him because they were afraid he'd try to come home. Well...i know he would want to be there for his dad....but he just got where he is....i don't think he'd try to come home. But still.....he had the right to know. So she said she purposely didn't tell me so that way i wouldn't be keeping anything from Jay. I swear people these days must be crazy because only the insane would act this way in my house! Or anywhere else for that matter! Now that i have ranted i guess i'll go! Looks like this is shaping up to be a fun day! (NOT)