Blue

So the words to Leann Rimes song Blue come to mind right now. Sing it with me now...you know you want to...."Blue, oh so lonesome for you. Why can't you be blue over me? Blue, oh so lonesome for you. Tears fill my eyes til I can't see. 3 O'clock in the morning...here am i...sitting here so lonely so lonesome i could cry. Blue, oh so lonesome for you. Why can't you be blue over me?" Actually...he probably is blue over me....he's just busier than i am. And they don't have the MWR phones up and running right now so he can't call. They aren't allowed to have phone cards where they are and we never got a chance to talk about setting up the spawar account. So i either have to wait until they get the phones set up or until he has time and opportunity to get online. Oh God please give him opportunity soon and give me strength til he gets it! I think finally being alone in my house has provided me the opportunity to finally grieve his absence. I haven't gotten the chance to really do that yet. So maybe that's what it is. But i am really missing him right now. We are at our one month mark...in a couple more days that is. Actually it was 4 weeks ago today that he left. The date though was 9-7. so technically we are starting the second month this weekend. I cant believe it's been a month though! This past month has flown by. I just don't think they will all go so fast! Good Lord please let them! I can do this if they all go so fast! I know i can do this anyway. I know i can. I keep telling myself that and i'll soon believe it right! I have a support system...i have friends....i CAN do this. I try so hard to be strong for my kids. But they are hurting too and think they have to be strong for me. Maybe the 3 of us need to just get it all out together and have an old fashioned weepathon one night. We have a 4 day weekend this weekend so who knows. It could happen. Not likely but it could. My girls are like me when it comes to crying. We prefer to be alone and no one know that it's happening. Anyway.....today is just a bad day with all this deployment stuff. OH GREAT!!!! I'm listening to my myspace playlist as i type and When You're Gone just came on! The pieces of my heart really do miss him. The other day our 7 year old said "mommy....that 1/2 my heart is in Iraq sticker is wrong. My whole heart is there. Daddy lives in all of it." I don't have one of those stickers but she saw one. She's so right too. He consumes all of my heart not just a part of it. Maybe i'm just sad right now because it's been a week since i last heard from him. This is the longest we have gone without communication since he left. For the first 3 weeks we talked all the time. On the phone and the computer. So i just miss his voice and knowing things are ok. anyway....enough feeling sorry for myself. I need to cook dinner so we can have wife chat tonight! Talk to you all soon!