Learning life lessons

So not fun to have to learn lessons! I hate when i have to learn something! Not really because if i am put in a position to where i learn a lesson then it must mean that i NEED that lesson. I have been needing this week to learn the lesson of turning my thoughts, feelings, and emotions over to God and stop letting them control me. Yesterday i gave into them and let them control me. I was miserable all day. I wasted an entire day on feeling sorry for myself. I am truly happy for my friends. They are all very strong wise women who are such a support to me. I think in some ways i feel like now that their men are home they will forget that i'm still waiting on mine. I really don't believe that. But you know....they get to move on with their lives for another year and have their men home with them. And i'm sitting here wishing mine would just be able to call more often. That he could send hugs and kisses over the phone that i could actually feel. There are so many things i miss about him. I can never possibly tell anyone everything. Trust me....i do not sit here all the time thinking about these things. I really do get up off my butt and do things. I clean my house and take care of my kids. I go on field trips and class parties. I hang out with my friend. (the only one i have here in NY) I go to the mall and just walk around. I get out of my house. I take walks around our village. In just over a week i'll be babysitting 3 days a week. I have lots of things actually that occupy my time. But it seems that everytime i sit here to think about what i want to say to everyone out there....all i can think of is how much i miss him. I don't know what to do without him somedays. But then there are those days that i know this time will pass and things will be fine. It really is such an emotional roller coaster. And it really does start before he ever even leaves....just gets worse after he's gone. I find myself writing notes to myself for the smallest things.....like call mother in law or pack kids lunch tuesday and wednesday. Things i would normally remember. Suddenly i remember NOTHING! I've always been a little forgetful but geeze! This is really kind of pathetic! Tonight Jay's brother told me that it looks like they are not going to be able to come up here for Christmas after all. So that means the girls and i will be all alone. Maybe Jay will get to call or something. That's still a couple months away. But now i don't know what to do. I guess i'll make us some lunch and we'll open presents and just hang out all day. We'll make the most of it. That's what we do afterall right. I just want to get through the rest of this year and start 2008! I feel like if i can just make it to the new year i'll be ok! Just getting there that's 1/2 the battle right now! I'm betting that a large part of the rest of this year will be spent with me feeling sad if i dont get a handle on this now. Any suggestions? And staying busy doesn't work! The time occassionally passes faster but then sometimes it leaves me wishing he were here even more and sometimes i feel more stressed when i'm really busy and sometimes i feel like i am missing out on something when i'm too busy! Anyway....I know now that i have to quit letting this sorrow rule my life. I need to find things to keep me going but that keep me feeling happy too! I need to remember that God is always with me and he can make my sad thoughts happy ones. I just need to turn it all over to him! Have a great week!