Nothing special...just some thoughts

My deployment journey started just over 11.5 months ago. When it began i started journaling as a way of dealing my feelings and all the tremendous emotions that go along with this journey. I have discovered though that the longer this deployment drags on the less i use this or any other journal. I used them quite often at first because i needed some way to get all the stuff out. I missed him so much. I had been so used to having him gone because he was gone to bct and ait for 8 months. Then he came home for 4 months. I got used to him being here again. After all we'd been married for 10 years! I love having him around. I love having him here to talk to and to pick at and to cook for and to take care of and to do things for and just to see every day. Just his presence makes every day better. When he left again it left a HUGE hole in my life. I needed my blogging and journaling to help fill the void. It was a way to fill the time and to get the stuff out and now he's been gone for so long i find that i just don't need it as much. I have learned to cope with the feelings and i fill the void with other activities. That certainly doesn't mean that i miss him any less. I am just not as consumed with it as i was 11 months ago. During this time i have learned that time does march on. The kids have completed another year of school. We are almost through another summer. We have celebrated each of our birthdays and every holiday. We are only a couple weeks from the one year mark. We have learned to get through the days and go on. I hate that actually. You would think that i would like that i have learned to get on from day to day. But i hate it. To me it means that i am getting used to him not being here. And that is just sad. I dont like him not being here. But at the same time, it is really a good thing because i am not angry over him being gone like i once was. And we are really getting close to him coming home now. So that is even better. anyway.....i have just been thinking lately about why i haven't been blogging as much as i used to and this has a lot to do with it. I am certain there are other reasons. But i think this is a huge part of it. I just don't have as much to say as i once did. I am not angry anymore. I am not looking for a way to fill a void in my life. The void is still there.....it just isn't as dominant. It doesnt take over my every thought any longer. I miss him of course. I will always miss him. Every day. Until i can hold him again. But I don't have to yell at the world about it anymore!