Separate Lives

There have been times lately that i've been thinking about my Honey and our life together and our lives apart. Thanks to the Army, we have had PLENTY of apart time. In many ways, I find myself feeling like we have been living separate lives together, if that makes sense. Then i wonder, am i the only one who ever feels like the forced separations from the military cause me and my husband to live separate lives? Now i'm wondering if that makes any sense to anyone other than me? Obviously we are living somewhat separate lives, he's been around the world for more than a year at a time, more than once. What i mean, though, is that our lives are so different during these times that it's like our life together isn't there. Yes, we still talk as often as we can. Yes, we are both completely faithful to each other. Yes, we both have the utmost respect and admiration for each other. Yes, we talk about things going on in our lives during these times. But we don't see each other. We don't have those intimate moments that make a marriage what it is. We don't share every thing that we normally would share. Sometimes now that he's back home again i find it difficult to process that we spend soooo many months apart. I find it difficult to process that he shared his daily life with people that i barely know. and i shared my daily life with people that he barely knows. We have stories and jokes and things with friends that are not part of our life together, only individually. In some ways, yes, this is a good thing. After all, too much time together and sharing every little detail of your lives is not always a good thing. You have to have separated interests and friends just for your own sanity right. But then there are times like this weekend. One of my hubby's friends was killed this weekend. He was no longer in the Army. He was living back home and had been out with some friends. Long story short, altercation turned bad, ptsd involved, hubby's friend was killed. Very sad situation. Brought back all kinds of memories for him. They had been in Iraq together for over a year. He needed to talk but it was hard for us to talk about it because i didn't really know this guy. He called some of his friends that did know the guy and they talked and eventually we talked about some stuff too. But it was really hard for him and it just hit home that we really have had separate lives and it's hard to accept that. Then we watched Army Wives last night. In the episode a soldier was killed. Of course it brought back tons of memories for both of us. He's been the soldier on the other end losing friends. I've been the wife on this end going to memorials, making awkward phone calls, trying to deal with the fact that it wasn't my husband, but it was someones husband/son. I made a comment during the show when Roxy and Trevor were on the phone that those phone calls are the worst, they are so awkward and difficult. He looked at me like i was crazy and rolled his eyes. Yeah, i get that it was hard on him being the soldier over there, it was his friend, and he hated have to call home to let me know he was ok when he really wasn't. But he has no idea what it was like for me to be the one trying to talk to him and having no idea what to say. All i wanted was to make it better for him and there was NOTHING i could do that would help that. So yeah, those phone calls were the worst. But again it just drove home the fact that so much of our lives are separate now. We have parts of our lives that the other will never understand. Nothing that i say can make him see what it was like for me and nothing he says can make me see how it was for him. And we have to agree that it was hard on all of us and leave it alone. But in situations like these, leaving it alone is just impossible. Well, thanks for letting me get this all out. I have a dentist appointment. Talk to you later!