Boo!

R&R is over! I hate when it's over. I hate sending him back. I so wish he could get a position where he can stay put for a while. I feel like everyone else's husband gets to be home forever and mine is NEVER here! I'm so so so sick of missing him. I hate this empty feeling that is in my soul until he returns. It physically hurts to have him gone so much. The other day Jay and I were out to lunch, Korean food...soooo good, and there was a tv on in the restaurant. (of course, because where do you go these days and not have a tv on) They were talking about Afghanistan and interviewing people about different things related to it. One military wife said "Deployment is a true test of marriage. It will make a strong marriage stronger and a weaker marriage weaker." I have said this many times to other military wives. Sitting there with Jay though, I made a comment to him about it. His response was simple and so what i have always felt. "I'm so glad we have each other because every deployment is only making us stronger individually and together." Definitely what i needed him to say but so true. I hate having him gone. And i feel bad about whining because he is gone. I spend so much time dwelling on how much i miss him and i think about how much the girls miss him and the tears i deal with after his departure...both mine and theirs. I never really give a lot of thought to how it makes him feel. Both to leave and to see us so sad. Yesterday he left again. I actually took time to think about it. This time was so much harder than anytime before. None of us were ready for his time here to end. It went so fast and there was so much left undone. We had some good times and enjoyed it as much as possible but it just wasn't long enough. I also think knowing the area is so dangerous where he is and has been that sending him back there was so hard. I noticed though that he really didn't wanna go. He left a couple videos on my phone and he seems to have a hard time saying what he wants to say during part of one of them. He kept begging me to not be so sad and to not cry. I know it was breaking his heart to have to go. We talked all afternoon while he was waiting on his flight after he got to Atlanta. I know it was hard for him to go. He really wanted to stay. But he has a job to do. And he has to go to do his job. They need him over there. He kept saying that too. I was doing all i could to find a way to keep him here. LOL But he kept saying he had to go they need him. Well i need him too! but i can see his point so i try to be understanding and i try to hold it together. And i try to remember that God is protecting him and will bring him home to me. And i try to remind myself that none of this is in my hands. And i try so hard to keep the family going and not let the kids or myself forget that he loves us and would so much rather be here with us. OH i just miss his smile and his voice and his touch and just the feeling of happiness and fulfillment when he's here. It was so wonderful while it lasted and we have soooo long to go until we get him again. Aw i miss him so much!