Just Sad

Well, here i am again. Nothing much to say. Just feeling kinda sad right now. My Honey is home on his R&R right now. That's great, don't get me wrong. I'm certainly not sad that he is here. I love having him home. I'm sad that it's almost over though. And i'm sad that in the time he has been here I haven't seen him much. His buddy is here for the weekend. Then we have a couple days after he leaves before Honey leaves too. I'm just feeling very emotional about it all this time. I told him when he got home and I knew he wanted to go see his family that I didn't want to fight this time. I knew his brother wanted to spend time with him and such so i was trying to be less stingy with his time. I didn't know though that he was going to never be with me. We have been pulled in every direction other than together since he's been home. I know he has people he wants to see and i know he has people who want to see him. and i'm trying really hard to be respectful and understanding....after all it is HIS time off. But at the same time, i miss him. I know he's going back soon for many many more months and i'm not ready for that part of it yet. the time leading up to R&R isn't so bad because i have that to look forward to. But once this is over......it's just me and the kids til the deployment is totally over. I'm so not ready for that. I miss him already and he's sitting right here just a couple feet from me. To top it off i feel like the little bit of time we have spent together we haven't really talked about anything. Just idle chat. It always seems when he is here that he wants to show pics of where he has been and what he's been doing to his dad and brother and friends and such but i'm always left out. I told him last deployment when all this was going on that i felt left out and like he was trying to shelter me from something that i already know plenty about and don't want to be sheltered from. And yet here we are in the same place again. I don't know how to be more clear about these things. and i don't really wanna keep having these conversations with him. Why can't all this just be over? I'm sick of worrying about him and his safety. I'm sick of feeling left out of his life. I'm sick of everything today. I just want to have him here. I want to see him every day. I want to know we are ok. I want to just be normal for a change. And not the Army definition of normal. The natural definition of normal. Ok so i'm about done ranting right now. I'm sure i'll have plenty more to say later. at least in a few days. Take care!