Emotions of a Mad Woman

Today is one of those days. Those of you who have been through a deployment know exactly what i mean when i say "one of those days". For the rest of you, all i can say is, you can never really understand it until you've been there. Whether it's your spouse or your child, or just someone you are really VERY close to, there is no real understanding of it until you have been there. I miss my husband every day. He's the love of my life, my best friend, the person i count on when i'm having a bad day or just want to talk, he's the single most important person in my life. He's my #1, the one i put first for anything and everything. Both times he has deployed i have prayed about his leaving and have had peace about it. I have always known God is protecting him. But still when you get those phone calls......something in your heart breaks. Especially when you find out how close he was to what happened. Today has been one of those days. I got an email last night about an incident. I typically can predict when i'm going to get an email or a phone call about something like this because i don't hear from Jay that day. I'm very blessed because my husband has a cell phone over there and we can text and talk every day. I know i'm blessed. We didn't have this luxury last deployment and if you read back through my blogs and my personal journal you will see that lack of communication was very frustrating for me. Of course Jay always says i know when something is wrong anyway because I have ESP. (extra spousal perception) He's the same way when it comes to me. We just have that connection and can feel when the other is hurting in some way, emotionally or physically. Right now i have Kaitlyn home sick. She's been very sick since Tuesday. So when my phone didn't ring yesterday i honestly didn't think much of it. Around 4 in the afternoon it occurred to me that he hadn't called. I had that feeling that something was wrong, but that he was ok, so i just went on with my day. Then last night i got the email. This morning i got a phone call from him. I can't give out details because it is a violation of Operational Security. But i can say there was an IED explosion. Jay was VERY near. So near it knocked him to the ground. He truly doesn't know how he didn't get hit by it. He was so close. There was one injury. severe, but still only one and she was in front of Jay. He may not know how he didn't get hit, but i do. Every day i pray for God to place a shield of protection around my husband. Once again, He has shown me that He hears my prayers. After talking to Jay, I was suddenly hit by the realization that God is the ONLY reason he was able to call me today. There is no logical reason why he wasn't injured. He was RIGHT there. Of course the first thing i did was thank God. I know that was ALL Him. Then I had a short cry over the fact that it was so close. I could have lost him. I truly have much to be thankful for right now. He has had a bad headache since the incident but promises to get looked at if he still has it tomorrow. He has had it checked out since then but they didn't really do anything for him. The severity of the headache does concern me, but i'm gonna stay on him til i am satisfied that they are taking care of him. In all of this though, we have both said that Jay is doing exactly what he was called to do. Even as much as I miss him and wish he was here, there is another person alive today because he did his job well. He was told after all this that his placement of the tourniquet saved her life. They weren't sure she would survive, but she has. They expect her to recover. Except for the loss of her limb, she should be fine. I know that i believe my husband is the best medic in the Army. But i still love to hear when he does his job well and someone is coming home to their family, able to tell their story, because he's so good at what he does. I'm proud of him. I wish he were here, but i know without a doubt that he's where he needs to be. Sorry if this was rambling but there's a lot going on in my brain right now.